How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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