Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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