I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
