At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
