ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
