she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
