Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
