is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just high enough for therapy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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