Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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