Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
