She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize