have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
