Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
