New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
