They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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