Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
