So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
