I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
