i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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