It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
