I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
