just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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