By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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