Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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