I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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