Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
