i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
