I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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