I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
