I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
