How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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