mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
