When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
