Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
