I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
