One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
and you fell through a lawn chair
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
