Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
