I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize