Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize