Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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