i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize