I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
