This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
