Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
