M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
