the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
