what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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