Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
