I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
