Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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