You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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