im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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