Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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