we're chasing vodka with high fives
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Randomize
