Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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