are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
