Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
