have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
