I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
