it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize