my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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