clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
