dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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