I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
