Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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