this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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