I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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