did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
