You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
