Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
