I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize