But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
