She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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