so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
