Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
