I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
